Ben Bray’s journey into competitive bodybuilding led him down a path that thousands of aspiring athletes consider: using PEDs. After gaining nearly 45 pounds of muscle over 18 months, the fitness coach made the difficult decision to return to natural training, documenting both the highs and lows of his experience.
The journey began in October 2022 when Bray arrived in Dubai with ambitions to compete professionally. “I had no ambitions to compete naturally. I had ambitions to turn pro and I knew genetically I needed to take the jump and to go assisted,” he explained.
By January 2023, he started his first cycle with testosterone at 150 milligrams per week, a conservative dose given his naturally high baseline levels.
The initial results were remarkable. Within 11 weeks, Bray went from 172 lbs (78 kg) to 187 lbs (85 kg) without significant body fat gain. As he pushed toward his goal of 198 lbs (90 kg), he increased his dosage to 200 milligrams weekly, eventually reaching 202 lbs (92 kg). “I was the strongest that had ever been. I could recover from a ridiculous amount of volume,” he recalled.
However, the physical gains came with unexpected costs. “My confidence had dropped significantly from wearing normal outfits, going out for dinner, lunch, I was now perceived as a bodybuilder,” Bray admitted. The constant questions about his lifting numbers and the loss of his previous identity began weighing on him mentally.
His competitive success was undeniable. After winning his first regional show and placing third at a pro qualifier in Milan with only 10 months of experience, Bray became consumed by the goal of earning his IFBB Pro Card. “I went from being just a normal average bodybuilder to somebody after Milan who was a man possessed on a complete mission to just achieve greatness,” he said.
During his second preparation phase, Bray reached his peak weight of 220 lbs (100 kg). Yet looking in the mirror, he barely recognized himself. “It was almost like I’d lost my identity. I had no real purpose other than to be a pro. I had no social life in Dubai,” he reflected. Despite strong placings at major shows including second at the Amateur Olympia, he decided to walk away.
The recovery process proved challenging. Nine weeks after his last injection, his testosterone levels had plummeted to just 6 nanomoles, far below normal ranges. “Felt like s**t. Had no desire to go to the gym and my physique was disappearing right in front of my face,” he shared. Through a carefully managed four-month post-cycle therapy protocol using HCG, HMG, and Clomid, he eventually restored his levels to 22 nanomoles.
The transition period brought significant side effects, including severe acne and plummeting motivation. Yet gradually, his confidence returned. “I was starting to see the older version of me. I could wear nice clothes again. I started to enjoy and see what I looked like in the mirror,” Bray noted.
Now, 12 months into his natural training, Bray has found peace with his decision.
His resting heart rate dropped from 73 to 43 beats per minute, and he has shifted his focus to performance-based goals rather than physique development.
“For me, I’m much happier naturally being in control of my hormones, liking how I look,” he concluded.
While he doesn’t regret the experience or judge others who choose that path, Bray believes he’s better off without performance enhancers, embracing a sustainable approach to fitness that aligns with his values and lifestyle.
