John Fury, the larger-than-life patriarch of one of sport’s most recognisable families, has let the world in on a bathroom secret he has apparently kept his entire life: he has never used a toilet seat.
The straight-talking Fury made the revelation during a conversation, confirming that his relationship with conventional bathroom furniture is essentially non-existent.
“I’ve never used a toilet seat in my life,” he said flatly, offering no apology for the admission.
For most people, that would raise an obvious question. For Fury, the answer is equally straightforward. Rather than sitting on the seat, he flips it up and perches directly on the rim. The only complication, he explains, is one of physics. At his considerable size, the rim alone is not quite enough to keep him in place.
“I kick it up and I sit on that rim,” he said.
His son, Tommy Fury, was understandably surprised. He noted, “The rim don’t fit me. If I just sit on the rim, I’ll fall through the toilet. I need the lid to just keep myself stable.”
John’s solution, then, is to lower the lid behind him as a sort of anchor point, creating a custom arrangement that works for a man of his frame. And by his account, the system is entirely hygienic.
“In my own home, I don’t use that seat. Don’t use the seat, I just kick it up. My own toilet’s spotless, innit? So it doesn’t bother me.”
Where things take a more acrobatic turn is when Fury describes his approach to public facilities. Rather than adapting his technique for shared bathrooms, he takes it a step further.
“But what I used to do in public conveniences, I stand on them,” he said.
That detail prompted some clarification. Standing, it turns out, is only part of the story.
“No, no, I stand on the rim and squat down like I’m squatting outside,” he explained. “I jump on the rim, squat down on the rim, and do my business, but my feet are on the rim.”
It is, he seems to feel, a perfectly reasonable workaround. Whether public bathroom manufacturers would agree is another matter entirely.
